Holding on to God’s promises

Is there something to this life? Some kind of secret I have yet to discover? Some days it still feels like I’m searching for my identity. I turned 35 last week and somehow I thought life got easier with time. But there are new challenges added each day.

Life seems to become about juggling something more. A spouse, a dog, a yard, a checkbook, a budget, a Bible study, it can all become another set of worries. What about children? I have none at this point. I’ve heard that they’re the greatest joy but how do I know that they won’t become a burden? They’re a gift is what I have to remind myself. When mine come they will be a reward. The trick is to stop worrying and enjoy life. There is so much to be appreciated: the football games, the dinners out. There is much to enjoy in this world.

But sometimes the problems seem to outweigh the good. And what do you do with that? My grandmother always told me to pray and it seems that she finds peace in believing in a higher power. She always says, “God is in control.”

My grandmother is like a lot of praying grandmothers. She reads the Bible diligently and prays every day for those on her prayer list. She speaks with the wisdom of her near 90 years and often repeats the same phrases over, hoping that they’ll become engrained into the foundation of my consciousness. One of the things she often says is “Don’t go get your own baby.”

She’s referring to the Bible story of Abraham and Sarah and she always warns not to be like Sarah who was unwilling to wait on God to do what He promised He would do. Instead, she made her own plan to get a child and caused undue chaos upon her house. Sometimes impatience can get us in trouble and when we jump out and try to take life into our own hands there are often dire consequences.

There was a woman I cared about and despite the fact that she was married I chose to engage in a relationship with her. I let my desire to feel loved and be loved overshadow what I knew was the wrong thing to do at the time.

She told me she had marital issues that weren’t fixable and I allowed what her words were to mean that I could go after her. It wasn’t long after she broke up with her husband that she broke up with me. And I was left looking at my circumstances saying how did I choose to go this route? I remember the consequences of that decision, the lasting sting of the stigma. I went ahead of God’s plan for me and took matters into my own hands. Instead of waiting on the right person to come along I jumped at the person that my emotions dictated I be with.

I spent many long nights wondering if I ever crossed her mind. I didn’t see that someone who would leave a committed relationship for me would ultimately leave an unstable one, too. I’d like to think I’ve learned from that.

What is special is having someone you can trust, someone you can be vulnerable with and I’m lucky to have found that in my wife. Even though she saw my mistakes she never saw me as a mistake and loves me with an unconditional love that is valuable to the core.

Cheers to best friends. They make life worth living when living it is hard. They give strength in the weakest of times. When my mother died Abdaly drove me home four hours to Orlando from Tallahassee. Brian made the phone call that let me know. Lamar flew down from Oklahoma to be with me. I’ve had some good friends. In the midst of all those friends there has been one who has supported me more than any other, my wife. Like Sarah, even though I failed to wait on God and caused myself great calamity He still loved me enough to bless me with what He promised, a beautiful wife.

Chandler Collins is a staff writer for The Southeast Sun and Daleville Sun-Courier. The opinions of this writer are his own and not the opinion of the paper. He can be reached at (334) 393-2969 or by email at [email protected].