Finding something to talk about

I responded back to her, “I’m good. How are you?” She said she was good, too, and asked about my wife, who I said was fine. The conversation ended there. I tried to make a remark about the weather but by that time too much time had passed and all the person offered was, “Yeah, it’s a beautiful day.” How often do you find yourself talking about the weather?

I wish I wouldn’t but it tends to be an icebreaker that people are comfortable with. My wife is much better than I am at weaving in and out of conversation topics, sharing unique insights that go beyond the cliché talking points that those unequipped with the skill of conversation rely on. It’s been a while since I’ve had a good conversation that didn’t seem forced. I’d love my conversations to be effortless, to just flow like my father-in-law does, like my mother did.

My mother told me the secret to good conversations is questions, asking good ones. I’ve heard others say read more and your conversations will flow.

I’m amazed at the beauty of talk here in this place where people really know each other, here in Enterprise.

“How’s Bob?” one might ask and the other goes into a lengthy response detailing the history of Bob for that day or week. They’ll share about Bob’s bunions that have been giving him trouble and the other person will say, “Why doesn’t he see Dan at such and such shoe store and get the wide foot shoes he sells? Then they’ll answer back with the story of Bob having already gone to Dan’s store and not being able to find anything he liked. Oh, and they’ll mention something about Dan’s wife and how she’s putting on a bridal shower for their daughter’s friends or something of the sort. It’s a Southern thing where people can find the most obscure points of discussion and have a 30 minute conversation that meanders around nothing much but is something special. It’s special because I see the interwoven dialogue that showcases a familial bond between the people here in Lower Alabama, or LA, as some folks call it.

I’ve heard conversations linger on the most routine of topics, like teeth crowns, coffee pots, workout regimens, bush hogging and peach cobbler.

For now I’m an observer. I feel I’m soaking it all in. Maybe some weeks, months or years from now I’ll be one of the ones who can make small talk out of thin air. Maybe I’ll have a story to share about my wife’s foot, and I’ll be able to dance the waltz of conversation.

I guess the real truth is I’m socially anxious. I have a tendency to look at all the things that I don’t have in common, all the things that I don’t want to share and fill the space between us with reservation.

“What will they see about me,” I wonder. I don’t want to put myself out there to be judged knowing that I’m giving myself way too much occupation in another’s mind.

I don’t want it to be a game but it’s hard for it not to become a game of good conversation, bad conversation. When I look at the reality I can see folks still talk to me every time I see them no matter how awkward the last conversation felt to me. I also know that I’m the one over thinking it.

There are some things that I think I’ll always struggle with. I’m wanting to feel like my conversations aren’t small talk but that my conversations have meaning/are meaningful.

The thing is I want to talk about this art of conversation with you all, the readers I see out and about. I want to know how it is you make good conversation and does it flow naturally for you or is it work? When I see you out and about let’s talk about talking and see if maybe I can learn a trick or two from you.

Chandler Collins is a staff writer for The Southeast Sun and Daleville Sun-Courier. The opinions of this writer are his own and not the opinion of the paper. He can be reached at (334) 393-2969 or by email at [email protected].